**”Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-**
Abdullah drove around and around a few times before he parked the car off in the parking area.
He sat in the car for a while before finally opening the door and stepping off.
He pressed the alarm of his car and began taking a slow walk with his hands in his pocket.
He looked either down at the ground so too avoid looking at any strange or half dressed women or he looked up at the sky, its beauty as the sun began to set.
The orange and red and yellow mixture of colours that spread across the sky was magnificent.
Whoever claimed that there is no God, just needs to admire the beautiful colours in the sky to understand that such a thing had to be created by someone. Someone perfect and with great power and strength.
Abdullah neared a cement bench near the water and sat down to think and assess his situation.
He understood that his mother meant well, but he had only ever loved naseema. He knew no other love besides her.
She was his one and only and he felt like it would be unfair to her.
But then again. How can it be unfair to her? She’s gone to a better place. She’s manoeuvring her way through the gardens of paradise right now. His subconscious mind began to scold him.
Didn’t nabi sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam also remarry after the demise of his one and only true love khadija radiallaahu anhaa?
Its so amazing how every solution can be found either in the quraan or in the perfect life of our beloved nabi.
But abdullah felt like it would be unfair to naeema. She was young and never been married before. She could get someone around her age and start a life together. Wouldn’t it be robbing her of a fair chance?
Now she would have to live upto the expectations of her deceased sister who would also be the deceased wife of her new husband. It sounds so complicated.
And she would also have to start from day 1 to be a mother to 2 children who are also suffering the loss of their mother.
But its not for you to decide.. Its her decision. His subconscious mind scolded.
He was still grieving but a muslim should not grieve the loss of anyone for more than 3 days, besides a wife when her husband passes away.
It was time he appreciated what he did have rather than mourn over what was gone.
His children needed him. They were still alive. He was unintentionally neglecting them and everything else in the process.
Its time this stopped. He doesn’t have to stop loving naseema. He doesn’t have to stop praying for her but as hard as it is, he needs to just pull himself back up and do what’s right before he loses everything.
Its not what naseema would have wanted anyway. She was always such a positive light of energy that made everyone around her positive and nothing ever really brought her down for this long.
No amount of mourning, grieving, depression or sadness was ever going to bring her back. She was gone forever, until ofcourse they would reunite in jannah oneday.
Abdullah didn’t even realise that his face was dripping with tears, until a beggar stood before him.
“Uncle? You’re okay? Everything okay?”
Abdullah looked up amazed.
A man who’s clothes hardly cover his body because of its being so old and tattered. And who probably can’t remember what food he ate last. And who probably doesn’t know where he’ll spend the night tonight is asking whether he, a rich man infront of this beggar, is alright?
Abdullah smiled, pulled out his wallet from his left pocket and handed him a hundred rand note.
“I’m well… I’m very well..”
Abdullah pat him on the shoulder and silently made an intention that the money he had given was for continuous reward for his wife.
He jumped back into his car and headed straight to the masjid for maghrib salaah with a much clearer mind.
Posted by silent living…