new post…

Assalaamu alaykum…

I know i said il post aftet the weekend… but my grandmother got critically ill over the weekend and passed away early on tuesday morning… so please bare with me and inshallah posts will resume after the weekend..
Please remember her and all marhoomeen in ur duas…

Wslm

Bibi ayesha

posts…

Assalamu alaykum and juma mubarak everyone…

Just needed to let you all know that im too busy again to post so next post will inshallah be after the weekend…

In the meantym… comment and let me know what you think is going to happen next and how you think its going to end…

Jazakallah and have an amazingly success and happy weekend..

Bibi ayesha

part 169:

“Dear nicky… im hoping that you would open up and read this letter of mine even though i dont deserve it in the least. Ive always wanted the best for you in your life. You were the only constant in my life. I had made so many mistakes in the past that had cost me my life. It damaged me and i guess i was afraid that you too would make certain mistakes in your life that would ruin everything for you.

I was young when i made my mistakes, just like you… and that threw me in the deep end, forcing me to become an adult long before i should have. All my dreams had been crushed and i had to take a different direction. 

If there was one thing i was never regretful about in my past… it was the decision to keep you. 

Yes it was tough many times. Juggling so many things and trying hard not to neglect you. But now ive realised that i did. I neglected you nicky. I damaged your life just as much as i had damaged my own.

I often feel like its too late… but today i want to believe that its not too late. That i can start all over. I can love you all over again… i can trust you and believe in you. 

This road wont be easy… but if we believe and trust eachother, we can get through this.

So to start off afresh.. heres a lovely breakfast. The best i could do… you know how im not very domesticated…

You will also find your phone… the old simcard was unfortunately destroyed a long time ago… but i have a new one for you. I know this phone isnt the latest and you are used to the latest in technology… but once you find a job… you are free to sell this one and upgrade. I could buy a new one for you, but id rather you work for it than get everything easy so you can value it more.

Next to that is the set of keys to the old set of wheels in the garage…also not the best…but its atleast better than nothing… and tom has made sure that its still running fine. The garage remote is there too so you can enter the house and leave as you wish…

I am giving you wings…use it nicky ..fly as high as you can… but in the right direction.

And dont ever forget… i love you with every part of me…

Hugs and kisses….mum!”

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Authors note:

I know ive posted already for today. But i just felt like adding a little more… its very short …but its got alot of depth to it…so just enjoy and PLEASE remember me in your duas everyone….

Bibi ayesha

part 168:

Nick never went job searching again. He stayed in his room sleeping and sulking for days on end. He avoided his mother at all costs. He didnt care if it hurt her that he was behaving this way but he was truly falling into a depression.

After 2 weeks he slowly started venturing out of his room when he was sure both tasha and tom were gone to work.

He watched some tv and looked for things to eat but thats about all he could do. Life was becoming more and more unbearable and lonely for him and he despised his mother more and more everyday.

All the tension in the house was once again causing a strain on tom and tashas marriage but tom wasnt going to allow it to reach a point of no return. 

“You cant keep him locked away for life tash…. you need to give him some freedom. Im not saying too much. But u cant hold on too tight. Have you not made mistakes in your life?” He waited for an answer from tasha and when she didnt reply, he asked again. 

“Have you or havent you ever made mistakes in your life babe?”

She sighed and pulled the comforter over her head. Tom heard a muffled “i have!” Coming from her.

“And? Did you just give up on life after making mistakes? Or did you learn from them and change?”

She pulled the comforter down and stared ahead. “I just… im just… scared… i want to protect him… i dont want him to make any more mistakes. Mistakes that are going to cost him his life. Im not punishing him. Im protecting him. His my only child tom. I love him.”

“Well he probably thinks you dont love him tasha… no offence but you depriving him of life and opportunities…”

“Im not!!!” She defended herself.. ” didnt i say he can find a job? But he gave up after few hours of looking!”

Tom rubbed his hands over his face and turned to pull his wife closer to him. “Baby, all im saying is that we need to understand things from his side. Give him another chance. Give him his phone back…its lying in your wardrobe for months… we have a car in the garage of which the battery is probably dead from not being used in ages. Give him some wings and lets see from there. Let him decide what to do. He is almost an adult… just think about it.”

Tom kissed her nose gently… “now stop over thinking. Lets get some sleep and start afresh in the morning okay?”

The next morning tasha woke up with a renewed take on life. This was it. She needed to mend things with her son. She prepared a quick breakfast of sunnyside up, bacon and toast and a cup of coffee. She sat it on a tray, placed nicks old phone with a new simcard she had on the tray aswel as the set of keys to the car in the garage and the garage remote. She scribbled out a small letter, sealed it in an envelope and placed it on the tray with the rest of the items.

Tom had already made sure that the cars battery was still fine early this morning. He was so proud that tasha was starting this way and given it some thought.

Tasha fiddled with a few things on the tray, grabbed her handbag and keys and turned to the domestic…

“Anna, please take this to nicks room as soon as i leave okay?”

“Yes madam” anna replied.

Once anna was sure she heard tashas car reversing out of the driveway, she carefully picked the tray up and proceeded to nicks room. 

She knocked once to alert nick that she was entering and then let herself in knowing that nick wasnt going to answer.

She placed the tray down on his bedside padestal with a slight thud causing nick to open his eyes in shock. And then she left his room, closing the door behind her.

part 167:

Hanzalah waited for abdullah in the parking lot after the esha salaah. It had been a hot summers day but there was a pleasant breeze in the air tonight. He leaned against the car and studied the clear skies in awe. Allah was magnificent. So great to be able to create such perfection… subhanallah…

He recited the dua his mother had taught him when he was little. It was a dua she said to recite everytime he marvelled over the creation of Allah..infact it was a verse of the noble quraan…

رَبَّنَا مَا خَلَقْتَ هَذا بَاطِلاً سُبْحَانَكَ فَقِنَا عَذَابَ النَّارِ

Our Lord! Not for naught Hast Thou created (all) this! Glory to Thee! Give us salvation from the penalty of the Fire

[3:191]

Rabbana ma khalaqta hadha batila Subhanaka faqina ‘adhaban-Naar

Truly Allah has created everything with a purpose…

Hanzalah snapped out of his daze when he heard his fathers voice approaching. He turned in the direction of the voice and seen that his father was in deep conversation with his old friend aqeel.

“Assalamu alaykum uncle aqeel…” hanzalah greeted warmly with a smile.

“Wa alaykum salaam son” he greeted and gave him a side hug. “Hows your hifz going?”

Aqeel was different from the other locals. He didnt walk with his nose in the air. He was funny, genuine and sincere.

“Alhamdulillah…well with your duas”

“How far now?”

“Almost done with 26 alhamdulillah”

“Already?? Wow mashallah…that was quick.”

“Alhamdulillah…moulana does a good job at teaching us.” Hanzalah was always humble. He didnt want to attribute it to himself even though he had an excellent memory.

“Soon im goinh to be sending my kids to you for hifz inshallah”

Hanzalah laughed. “It will be a pleasure. How are they? I havent seen them in a while.”

“Shukr to Allah they are well. Just driving their mummy up the wall. And theres another one on the way inshallah. Make dua.”

“Thats good news mashallah. Number 5 that would be?”

Aqeel nodded with a chuckle. “So your daddys telling me that you want to study medicine?”

Hanzalah looked down nervously. They hadnt spoken about this since last week when he and abdullah had the chat. He looked up at his father and then at aqeel. “Inshallah…if Allah wills it”

“And he says youre looking for a job to pay for your own studies aswel?”

“Jee inshallah”

“Mashallah…” aqeel pat him on the shoulder… “we need more youth like you in this world.”

“Look i have an offering for you… think about it. And when you are ready, you tell me.”

Hanzalah nodded and listened attentively. The masjid parking lot was relatively empty by now so they could talk privately without anyone listening in on their conversation.

“I am offering to pay for your studies. You are a good boy and i dont doubt that you will excell in whatever you do… you do your best in achieving your goal and whenever and however you wish to pay me back, you may do so. No pressure. I have a few business preposotions, if you have the time, maybe during the holidays, and weekends you can work for me and pay slowly towards it. Im not giving you a time limit..”

Hanzalah was shocked. He never expected such generosity. This was like a dream… how would he ever thanks Allah for this.

“Uncle aqeel… this is… Allahu akbar.. i dont know what to say!”

“Dont say anything yet son… just think about it…you and your dad discuss it and we take it from there inshallah…”

Hanzalah already got acceptance from a few universities to study. So that wasnt a problem at all. He couldnt believe this. Is was a dream come true. He was elated. But he controlled himself. He couldnt wait to get home and roll out his prayer mat. He ought to thank Allah for yet another great favour upon them. Wa lillaahil hamd…. all praise to Allah.. he was going to study… he was going to be a doctor if Allah wills and he would give it his all inshallah. With the help of Allah he will help as many people as possible.

part 166:

Its been ages since hanzalah tried calling nicholas. He tried so many times from the time of the incident but he could never speak to him. He thought about him very often and prayed for him more so. He prayed that things were working out for the best for him. He had some great qualities hidden deep within but something was holding him back from showing out those qualities. He seen it when nick stayed with them.

Nick wasnt as tough and macho as he acted on school. He was weak and vulnerable. He had alot bottled up and hanzalah wished that he could help him in some way.

Today he was thinking so much about nicholas. More than he usually did and thats because he had a dream about him last night. He couldnt remember what the dream was about but he waa definite that nick was in it. And there was a third person aswel. As much as he tried to think about it, he just couldnt remember the dream or who the 3rd person was. Eventually he gave up. If he couldnt remember the dream, there was obviously good reason for it. And that would mean that the dream didnt really have much meaning to it either. But what he did know was that he needed to contact nick one more time. It was his duty as a fellow human being to try again and make contact.

He searched for the number he had written in the old telephone book and then punched it in to the phone.

It rang for a while before a lady picked up.

“Hello…tasha speaking..”

Hanzalah cleared his throat and spoke. “Hello. Could i speak to nicholas please!”

There was silence for a little while and hanzalah wondered if they were maybe handing the phone over to nick. But then the woman, presumably his mother, asked into the phone. “Whos calling?”

“Its hanzalah. Nicks.. friend” he wasnt sure if nick regarded him as a friend or not. But to him thats what nick was. 

Again the silence and then some muffled sounds. Like tasha had closed the speaker of the phone with her hand and was talking to someone else. Hanzalah could hear 2 voices but he couldnt quite make out what they were saying. Or who the voices belonged to. But he waited patiently.

After a few minutes tasha was back on the phone.. “hold on!”

Hold on? Like she was calling nick? Or hold on? Like she was deciding whether she wanted nick to befriend him or not?

He knew from their meeting the day she picked nick up from his house that she wasnt too happy with him. He didnt know why and it wasnt his place to care. People had their reasons for not liking other people and if there was anyone who was used to people disliking him, it was hanzalah. Either because of not having money or for being indian or for not exactly being a ‘local’ or whatever the reasons were and frankly hanzalah couldnt be bothered about whether people liked him or not. To him, if Allah was pleased with him, then that was more than enough… infact that meant everything to him.

Hanzalah was so deep in thought about this that it took him a few seconds to register that nick was on the other end of the phone.

“hello?”

“Nicholas? Hello. How are you brother? Its so good to hear your voice.” Hanzalah was genuinely happy to hear nicks voice after all these months.

“Nerd boy? Err.. i mean hanzalah?” He  could hear the surprise in nicks voice and he took no offence in the nick name. Everyone called him that when he was in school. He would rather be called nerd boy than play boy or rich kid or something like that.

“Yes nicholas. Its me! How have you been doing?”

“It took you months to bother about how im doing” nick snapped and hanzalah was taken aback by the harshness in his voice 

“I tried calling…”hanzalah began to talk but was rudely cut off.

“Yeah, im sure you did…but you couldnt get through right? The phone was engaged or something!” Nicks voice was dripping with sarcasm.

“No…” Hanzalah said softly but without getting angry. Nick was being rude and not welcoming his call in the least. But hanzalah wanted to explain.

“No what? You have a different excuse then? Something more original?” 

Hanzalah took a deep breath… ” i tried calling you almost every week since the incident but everytime i called, your mum said you were not around to take the call. I waited for you to call me back so many times, but you never did and i thought maybe you didnt want to hear from me so i stopped contacting you altogether. But recently ive been thinking about you so often and today i just decided to try again.”

“Im sorry bro.. i didnt know..” he began apologising.

“Dont worry about it… its cool..” hanzalah brushed it off like it was no big deal and quickly changed the subject.. the last thing he wanted was an awkward conversation.

“Look… i was wondering… can we meet up sometime? I would really like to catch up with you…. see how youve been… you know?!”

“Erm…” nick hesitated.

“No pressure… think about it… and let me know. Let me give you my number…”

Hanzalah passed his number over to nick who he hoped was really taking it down.

“Okay then. Was good to speak to you again. Il wait for your call…”

“Thanks buddy!”

“Wait….err.. im sorry about being so rude…”

“Its cool brother…” hanzalah laughed it off… “take care!”

Now it was upto nick. He wouldnt pressurise him. If he wanted to see him.. then he would call and they would meet up soon. If not, life will go on for both of them. No big deal.

part 165:

This post is especially dedicated to ‘awesums’ who has been reading my blog from the beginning for the past couple of days and liking every single post. Im sure she will catch up soon… just want to say jx sooooo much for taking up so much of your tym to read and like every post…just thought u should know that i have noticed 😙

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“Abba jaan… i would like to go to university.”

Hanzalah was so afraid to ask his father. He didnt want to cause any extra stress on him. He wasnt sure what the finances were like at the moment. Or if his father would agree. 

Abdullah never discussed their financial situation. He didnt want to burden the family with any of that. It was his duty to see to everything. To provide and protect them all.

He was silent. And it made hanzalah a little nervous. Abdullah was always the type to calmly think things through in his mind before responding and hanzalah could see from his fathers expression that he was doing just that.

He would accept his fathers decision. Whatever it was. His father was wise and always knew whats best for him.

“I have spoken to moulana saheb at madressa and he advised me to first read istikhaarah” hanzalah continued when his father still didnt respond. “So i read my istikhaara and have a good feeling. Moulana said that i should make mashwara with abba jaan now.”

Abdullah nodded in appreciation but still remained in deep thought without a word.

“If abba jaan cannot manage to pay for it… i totally understand. But i would like to pay for my own studies if abba will allow it…”

Abdullah raised an eyebrow. “How will you pay for your studies beta?”

“I will find a job inshallah that can help me pay for my studies inshallah”

“And what about your hifzul quraan?”

“I only have 5 juzz left to complete abba jaan. But i will continue after fajr salaah and all of my free time inshallah as i need to continue with dhor of what i have already memorised… i will not neglect it. Its my first priority”

And abdullah knew that his son wasnt lying.

“Let us finish our supper and then you and i can continue this talk over some masala tea in the lounge?”

Hanzalah nodded. Abdullahs calm demeanor made him a little bit at ease.

Once supper was over, everyone helped to clear the dastarkhaan and wash dishes and then naeema put up the tea to boil.

Habiba set a plate of goolab jamun and took it to the lounge for hanzalah and her father. She then retreated to the study room to complete her homework.

Once the 2 of them were alone in the lounge abdullah sipped on his scorching cup of tea and then placed it back into its saucer.

“Beta….” abdullah began. “Please understand with an open mind what im about to say. I dont like to discuss financial matters with anyone here at home. It shouldnt concern any of you. By right, it is my duty to provide and see to everyones needs here at home. But today, i have to enclose this to you.” Abdullah spoke in a hushed tone in gujrati.

“Things are really looking down in the business. I havent been managing to pay rent at the shop. Infact, i am owing 3 months of rent. The landlord has been very patient and understanding until now. But just this morning i was told that i need to get all payments upto date or else they are going to have to close me down.”

“Abba jaan…im so sor…”

Abdullah lifted his hand to silence hanzalah.

“I am not telling you this to make you feel bad for asking me to study. You are a very bright boy. Your ummi jaan would have been very very proud of you if she was here.”

They both had a glint of a tear in thrir eyes at the mention of naseema.

“You have managed to complete memorising most of the quraan in just these few months mashallah. And your results from your last year at school made me so proud aswel. With your kind of marks, you could have gotten acceptance in any university yet you chose to pursue The quraan shareef instead. It will be terribly unfair of me to say no to this request of yours.”

“No abba. It wont be unfair. After knowing what you have just told me, it would be terribly selfish of me to still want to do this. I apologise abba jaan. I will not bring this up again.” Hanzalah looked down ashamed of himself.

“No beta.. i want you to go ahead with it… it will only benefit us all oneday inshallah. I unfortunately cannot employ you in the shop as i dont have the funds to pay you. But one of my friends was looking for someone. I will ask him if he has a spot for you still.”

“No abba jaan… i will work but i rather help out here at home.”

“Are you going against your fathers wishes beta?”

Hanzalah looked down and shook his head. ” no abba jaan. Never!”

“Alhamdulillah then, its settled. What was it that you were interested in studying beta?”

“Medicine abba. I want to be a doctor. I want to help people with the help of Allah just like ummi who are suffering with all kinds of illnesses.”

Abdullah pat his son on the back fondly and then hugged him. “And you will make a great doctor oneday dr hanzalah gujiwala”