part 163:

“NICK!NICHOLAS! Wake up!”

Nick opened his eyes with a start and stared ahead trying to come to terms wih what was going on. 

“Nick…get up from here!what is going on with you?”

He wiped his hands over his face and sat up. It was almost dark and he was laying on the grass in the front yard with tasha shouting at him on his side.

Instead of talking back to her or looking at her, nick got up and walked straight into the house from the now open garage and proceeded to his room.

He was having such a beautiful dream. It was about sabreen. They were at a park and they both looked so carefree and happy. They were laughing and talking and sabreen was about to tell him something very important when tasha rudely interrupted his dream.

He grabbed his pillow and screamed into it frustration.

Once again tasha barged into the room..

“What the hell nicholas? What is worng with you? Sleeping in the front garden like we dont have a house. What must the neighbours be thinking?”

Nick felt like pulling his hair out. His mother was truly beginning to annoy the living daylights out of him.

“The neighbours? Is that all you care about? The damn neighbours?”

Nick had enough of keeping quiet.

“I hope the neighbours are thinking exactly what you dont want them to think but is the truth. That you are a pathetic mother who doesnt even trust her son who is almost an adult with his own set of house keys to get into the house. Or a car to drive himself home after a rather disappointing day of walking through half a mall looking for a job and not finding one… or a cellphone to call and let you know that i had to take a half broken down and stinking taxi home and walk half the way only to find that i would have to wait outside until mother dearest gets home. Thats whats wrong with me… thanks for asking anyway!!!!!!!”

He slumped back into his pillow, face down so he wouldnt have to look at her face any longer.

It was silent for so long that nick thought tasha had eventually walked out of the room. But ages later he felt the bed sagging beside him.

“Im sorry nicky”

He could hear the sincerity in her voice and it took all his power not to get up and just forgive her. She was always sorry. But she needed to learn how to deal with nick. She needed to worry about him and his feelings first before worrying about what the rest of the world thinks.

“Tasha!im home!”

Toms voice and keys could be heard from the front of the house.

Tasha sighed and got up from the bed. She closed the door quietly and went to her husband.

Nick turned around and stared absent mindedly at his ceiling. He hated life. He always hated life. He was lonely and sad and had nothing in life to look forward to. Before he could just take one puff and it was so hard to not be able to drown his sorrow with some kind of intoxicants. He needed something to take his pain and sadness, his lonesliness all away. But he knew he had nothing anywhere. His room was turned upside down those many months ago when he got released from rehab. And it was cleared out from everything.

But what use would it be even if he had just one pill or one puff or one pull? It wouldnt take away his sorrows permanently. Once the high was over, it would all still be there. 

He was a curse..  thats what he thought. His entire being was just a curse. He was brought in this world to suffer. To be alone. To be useless. To be a nothing and a no-one. 

While all his school friends had moved on and were becoming something, here he was. Alone. A loser. An utter failure. 

How could life be like this? Would it ever end? Would he ever find happiness? What exactly was happiness?

Happiness wasnt money… he knew that for a fact. Because growing up nick had all the money he needed. But he still wasnt happy. 

Happiness wasnt fame. Because nick had been there too. He had the fame. Girls gave him the time of day all the time and the guys wanted to know him and be friends with him..  but he was still unhappy.

Drugs, partying and drinking didnt make him happy either.
So what then? What do others have that keeps them happy?

Is it having a family? But nick has that now. A mother and step father. But he isnt happy.

Nick was taken out of his deep thoughts by a gentle knock on his door.

He turned to see who it was. Expecting tasha to be back here apologising. But Instead it was tom who opened the door and peeked his head in.

“Hey kiddo… theres a call for you on the house phone!”