Category Archives: nicholas

part 139: (nicholas+hanzalah)

**”Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-**

The minute tasha laid her eyes on nick, tears began pouring down he face. She grabbed him to her and hugged him so tight that nick thought he was going to suffocate.

He wasn’t used to this type of affection so he didn’t return the hug. He just stood awkwardly with his hands hanging on the side.

She held on to him for so long until nick couldn’t take it anymore and pushed away gently. He still couldn’t look up at her.

Tasha took nicks face in both of her hands and kissed him on his forehead.
“Don’t ever run away again nicko. Don’t ever torture me like this.”

Nick was still trembling. Either out of anxiety or withdrawal symptoms.

“Come on… Let’s go home.. Please let’s just go home and start all over again.”

Nick sighed. Still not meeting her gaze. And then walked to the lounge to sit down.
“I can’t mum.. I.. I don’t know what to do.. I can’t just come home”

“Why not?”

“Because… I’ve messed up mum”

“So? You’re going to live… Here?”

She said it as if he were living in a broken down shack.

And nick hoped that hanzalah wasn’t anywhere nearby to hear the disgust in tashas voice at their humble abode.

“Mum! These people have really looked after me. Please have some respect for them. They may not live in a grand house like we do, but they’re happy.. I can’t say the same about where I come from!”

“Oh! And where do you come from nicko? I’ve always given you everything of the best..”

“everything in life isn’t about material stuff ma… Why can’t you just understand.. I have everything but I’m unhappy. I hate my life. I’ve always hated my life. You never sit and ask me if I’m happy or not or what makes me happy. You always just assume that I’m okay because I’ve got everything that money can buy.”

Tasha looked run down by what nick said.

“Can’t we go home and talk this through? I’ll give you all my time and we’ll sort everything out. I don’t feel comfortable discussing all our private matters in a strangers home.”

Nick shook his head.
“They’re not strangers if they’ve opened up their home and their hearts for me. And I can’t go home until I’ve cleared everything up with you first.”

“Go home nicholas. For your mothers sake… Go home and make peace!”

Tasha and nick both looked up and found hanzalah in the doorway.

“Hello ma’am” hanzalah greeted humbly without looking directly at tasha.

“Err.. Hi… You must be nicks friend. How will I ever thank you and your family for keeping my son safe?”

She got up to walk towards hanzalah. But hanzalah put his hand up slightly and she got the hint not to go any closer.
“No need to thank us ma’am. Nick is a good boy. And we’ll do anything to help at anytime. Our doors are always open for him but I think its best if he goes home with you and the 2 of you discuss all your matters in private. And hopefully everything can get sorted out.”

“Thank you! You’re a very wise young man!”

Nick smiled up at hanzalah “he definitely is!”


“So nicko? Are you coming home? Please?” Tasha took his hand and held on tight like her entire life depended on it.

Nick held hanzalah gaze and he knew from the look in hanzalahs eyes that he needed to go home. Sooner or later he had to. Now seemed like a good time. And nick trusted hanzalah with his life. He always gave him the right advice.

“Ma… Can you just give me a few minutes alone with hanzalah? I’ll meet you in the car in a few minutes.”

Tashas face broke into a huge smile and her entire body showed relief. “Ofcourse son. Take your time. I’ll wait outside…”

She turned to hanzalah again.
“Thank you so much again young man.”

“Hanzalah” nick told her.

“Err… Han.. Z.. Zaalaa..” She stuttered. “And thank you so much to your family. Please tell your mum and dad I said so. ”

“Will do ma’am” hanzalah nodded.

Tasha walked out of the house towards the car and closed the door behind her giving hanzalah and nick their privacy.

Authors note:
Jazakallah so much to everyone for not giving up on me, for liking the posts and for those who take the time to comment. I truly appreciate it all. It may seem like I don’t read the comments. But I do. I look very forward to seeing likes and comments come through to my e-mail.
So please keep them coming and always keep me and my family in your special duas.
Lots of love..
Bibi ayesha

Posted by silent living…


part 138: (nicholas)

**”Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-**

Tasha rushed back into the car. She quickly typed out the address on her GPS that nick had told her before she could forget. And when it appeared on her screen, she thought ‘that’s just nearby. My baby is so close to me and I didn’t even know. I really hope these people are taking good care of him.’

She put her car into reverse and reversed out of the driveway..

She drove in such a speed, not caring about the way she was driving. All she could think about was nick. And whether he was okay or not. She was so afraid of not getting there in time. What if he changed his mind and decided to run away again?

She needed to get there quick. She was beginning to get very anxious as she took a right turn into the street of the address that nick gave her.

‘Drive 200 metres and Your destination will be on the right.” Her GPS called out.

Her heart began beating faster now that she was so close to being reunited with her son.

“You have reached your destination” the annoying gps called out again.

Tashas forehead creased in confusion. ‘This can’t possibly be the place. Nick must have given the wrong number.’

She reversed a little to see if maybe she missed the house. Maybe the GPS was wrong.

But she distinctly remembered nick saying the number. She drove forward again and looked at the house with the number nick had given.

‘Oh no! It can’t be. How must my poor son be surviving in such a place? Its so…. Small and…. Simple and ‘

Tasha had expected a modern house all safe and secure with palm trees around it maybe. Not a simple abode like the one infront of her which barely had a proper fencing around it, forget electric fence or security guards and an intercom.

She looked at her phone and contemplated whether she should call the number that nick had called from. Just to double check that she was at the right place.

It rang once and then twice before someone answered in a weird language.
“Assalamu alaykum”

“Err… Hi.. Could I speak to… Err.. Nicholas?”

There was silence for a few seconds and she wasn’t sure what was going on but then she heard nicks voice on the other end.

“Nicky baby. I’m not sure if I’m at the right house..”

“Yes you are mum. Just come into the driveway and come to the side door. I see your car from the window.”

She sighed.. “Okay. See you in a bit”

After nick had put the phone down with his mum. He began shaking uncontrollably. Hanzalah had somehow convinced him that the only way to solve the problem would be to face it head on.

“You can’t hide forever nicholas. We honestly don’t mind keeping you in our home for as long as you wish. But the reality is that at some point either someone is going to find you or something worse can happen. So to avoid that, just man up and call your mum. Explain everything to her. A mother is a mother. She loves you and cares for you no matter what you do in your life. She’ll always forgive you and look past your mistakes. You are lucky to have a mother. I would do anything to get my mother back here. To care for me and even scold me for the little things I do. But the truth is, that she’s gone… Forever… Don’t leave it like this and regret later nick. Call her!”

And that’s how nick ended up calling tasha. He was so relieved when she didn’t answer at first. But then when she did, strangely he felt a deep sense of emotion within him that he never knew he had.

Hanzalah had to get him some sugar water to calm down because of how he was sweating and shaking. It was probably the stress and the withdrawal symptoms. This is the longest he’s ever gone without a fix and it was driving him insane. If he wasn’t in hanzalahs house, he would have thrown and broken something around him.

So when nick heard a car outside. His mouth went dry and he could feel his heart beating all over his body. He had severe palpitations. He knew that it was tashas car and he watched as she reversed and the drove back again.

After she called and he reassured her that she was at the correct house. He stood at the door and waited for tasha to get off the car.

He took a deep breath in. Steady his hands on the door handle and opened the door for his mother.

Posted by silent living…

part 135: (nicholas)

**”Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-**

“I’m losing my mind and all you can tell me is you’re trying????? Well you’re not trying hard enough! My son is missing for days already and there’s nothing you guys have done thus far!”

The officers at the police station were so used to tasha. Ever since nicks disappearance, she’s been in and out nagging them to do something.

They’ve opened up a missing person document and they’ve passed the word around. What more can they do? To them, there’s more serious things happening in the world. There’s people speeding on the roads that’s more important and ofcourse that necessity of checking on foreigners papers too. But a missing kid isn’t all that important to them.

So they sit behind their desks ignoring tashas ranting and raving.

She feels lost and despondent. How will she live without her only child? She feels alone. Tom has become so distant and uninterested in her. Actually they haven’t spoken ever since their argument the other day.

They’ve still been sleeping in separate rooms. He makes no effort whatsoever to apologise and neither does tasha. But eventually she knows that she’ll be the one to bow down and say she’s sorry.

Tasha forgot her cellphone at home in all the rush. So when she got home after another day of nagging them at the police station, she found 3 miscalls from a number she didn’t recognise.

By now all the angry parents had already called so she was hoping that it wasn’t one more. She had enough of everyones scolding and insults.

So when her phone began to ring again with the same number flashing on the screen, she contemplated whether she should answer or not.

She braced herself for yet another persons swearing, sighed and answered.

“Hello, tasha speaking..”



*silence again*

She was about to put the phone down when she heard an all too familiar voice.. A voice she’s been dying to hear in the couple of days that passed.


“NiCK!!!l nick baby?where are you? Are you okay? Oh nick please come home. Whatevers happened is over and done with. We can sort things out. Please son, just come home. I’m losing it here without you”


“Nick! Where are you son? Tell me and I’ll come right now to fetch you..”

“I can’t…”

“You can’t what? Please nicky… Just tell me! I’m not angry with you. I know you’ve made a mistake. Please just come home baby”

Nick sighed loudly… He knew he had to phone his mother but he had no idea what he was supposed to say to her. He wasn’t even sure if he was ready to go home yet. But hanzalah had convinced him that it was the right thing to do.. So before putting the phone down, he gave his mother the address and then waited impatiently for her to arrive.

He was afraid that she would come with the cops.

What if they took away and put him in jail?

Would she hit him?

Tasha never lifted her hand up on nick before. But would this be his first time?

But she sounded genuinely concerned about him. She wounded like she was in major distress. And nick felt even more guilty for all that he’d done.

Hanzalah put his hand on nicks shoulder. “Don’t worry nicholas. Everything will be fine. Maybe things will change from here on. But everything will get better eventually.”

Nick smiled weakly “thanks nerd boy. Thanks a lot! I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to thank you for everything.”

“No need to thank me. Our doors are always open for you nicholas. Anytime you need anything, we’re here to help.”

And that’s when the doorbell rang. Tasha had arrived.

Posted by silent living…

part 133: (nicholas)

**”Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-**

“What’s going on nick? I need to know what’s happening… I haven’t asked because I felt like it wasn’t my business..but I could get into major trouble at school just for keeping you here”

“What do you mean at school? Why would you get into trouble?”

“Because…. Everyones looking for you. I thought whatever happened had to do with home. I didn’t know it was more serious than that…”

Nick dropped his head in his hands and took a deep breath….
“I’m in big trouble nerd boy… Big trouble.. I’ve messed up big time and there’s no way of fixing this”

Hanzalah remained silent. Waiting for a better explanation.

“I was never like this. I was different before we moved to this town. I preferred being on my own. I didn’t have friends but I was better off. But my life has always been too lonely. My mum worked and I don’t have siblings. I don’t have a father. my mother was a single parent. I don’t even know who my real father is or whether he’s still alive or not. My mother never thought it necessary to ever tell me. Then she got married and we moved here. Don’t get me wrong. Tom is a good guy. But he took my mother further away from me. Whatever little time we had together, he was now in the picture. I craved companionship so when kev and company came into my life, I wanted to fit in. I wanted to feel important. I wanted to be a someone, not a no-one. I wanted to be known and loved. I wanted to know what it felt like to be loved and cared for. I craved attention. And I got it.. In all the wrong ways. Girls were throwing themselves at me. They were impreSsed with all the money I had. technically it wasn’t my money, but it impressed them and I enjoyed every bit of all the attention. I joined them for all the parties and….”

Nick was having second thoughts about telling hanzalah about his dark days and grave secrets. What if hanzalah judged him and kicked him out too?

All the while talking, nick never looked up at hanzalah, he was afraid of finding a disappointed face.

But now he slowly raised his eyes and when they met hanzalahs, he didn’t find disappointment or anger. He found ease and comfort and so he continued.

“And I was introduced to some stuff…”

He looked up again to find hanzalahs forehead crease up in confusion.

Nick sighed again. “Bad stuff…. Drugs, smoking , drinking. I enjoyed the way I felt while taking it. I forgot about all the pain I previously felt. I was happy, or so I thought. I guess it just numbed all the pain. But soon I got used to it. It wasn’t having the same effect on me. I needed something more. Something stronger. And my girlfriend kelly introduced that to me. But she warned me to get help and not become dependant on it. I didn’t like what she said. It annoyed me so I started distancing myself from her. I used her whenever I nEeded more.

Eventually I decided that I needed more and more money and I was running out…. Yeah! I know what you must be thinking. I have so much but my money was running out…. Well this crap is expensive.. So I started taking from my mothers wallet. And from her savings.”

Still there was no sign of judging in hanzalahs expression and that gave nick the ease to go on further.

“I wanted more attention. And wanted everyone in school to envy me. To think I’m the coolest kid ever. Recognition!.. And so I planned this HUGE party. Like the ones we go to almost every weekend. It was on saturday.. And it was wild. My parents were out of town on some business trip, so I had the house to myself. Kelly and I went all out planning. Everyone had to bring a friend and a drink… Err.. Like alcohol you know?”

“But aren’t you underage for that? I may not know much but I see the posters, no 18 and under… Right?”

“Exactly… And that’s why I’m in so much of crap. Someone called the cops and I ran… Like a coward, I ran away. There was drugs and drinks and partying going on in my house and every illegal thing possible and I ran when they said the cops were coming”

Hanzalah was silent. He was in deep thought. He was never exposed to this type of thing. It all sounded too far fetched for him. The thought crossed his mind that maybe nick was exaggerating a little, but then he thought ‘why would he?’

It all made sense now. Why everyones been looking for him and it was such a serious thing.

But this could get hanzalah in a lot of trouble. What was he to do? Do they really need all this trouble in their lives?

Shouldn’t he just get rid of nick? And carry on with life?

Or was this his opportunity to help nick out of this and show him what’s right and wrong?

Posted by silent living…

part 130: (nicholas+hanzalah)

**”Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-**

Hanzalah couldn’t concentrate for the rest of the day. He was in utter distress. What did he get himself into? And how was he going to get himself out of this?

He was never more relieved for the day to come to an end like he was today… He had to go back home and speak to nick.

Nick roamed around the house aimlessly. He was bored out of his wits… And he was feeling a little hungry.

Hanzalah did say that he should make himself at home.

He walked into the kitchen and began opening the units one by one in search of some junk food or snacks. Maybe some biltong or chips or even some 2 minute noodles would do. But hanzalahs kitchen was very different to his.

After searching through the kitchen fridge, hanzalah gave up. Nothing looked familiar or appealing to him.

He threw himself on the couch and looked at the time. It wasn’t long to go before hanzalah would be back from school. Then atleast he wouldn’t feel so bored and annoyed.

Tasha walked in to the police station to file a missing person report. It was probably the hardest thing that any mother would have to do, but nick was missing for over 24 hours now.

“But ma’am, what if the kid is not actually missing? What if he just ran away.. You know how teenagers are nowadays. Always upto mischief…I’m sure he’ll come home soon- unharmed”

Tashas blood was boiling. First they refuse to file the report because it wasn’t 24 hours and now they just don’t want to help find her son.

“Whether he ran away or was kidnapped, I don’t care… I just want my son to be found. He’s not used to being on the streets all alone. He comes from a good and wealthy home. He won’t survive out there… I’m worried sick about him. This is south africa. What if someone hurts him”

The officer behind the counter looked blankly back at tasha whilst chewing on gum.

“Look, are you going to help me find my son or not?”

She just continued chewing….

“Here… Fill this in!” She finally said handing tasha some forms and then picking up her phone and typing away.


*assalamu alaykum….” Hanzalah greeted loudly as he entered the house. It was his habit.

Abdullah dropped them all off at home before returning to work again.

Nick sat up from the couch.
“Hey bro! How’s it?”

hanzalah forced a weak smile out and nodded a “I’m fine”

“Did you eat anything?” He avoided looking at nick.

“Erm… No, wasn’t really hungry!” Nick lied

Hanzalah put his bag away and proceeded to the kitchen to prepare lunch.

Once the food was warmed up, he took a tray for naeema and habEeba to the room and then nick and hanzalah sat in silence whilst munching on their chapatis and green lentils.

It had a distinct taste but nick couldn’t be fussy. Besides, he was starving.

“So?” Nick broke the silence. “How was school?”

Hanzalah swallowed hard and without meeting nicks gaze replied: “same old…”

Suddenly he didn’t feel like eating anymore. The knot in his tummy that he carried around all through the day was back again. He licked his fingers hastily and sat up, leaning against the sofa behind him. “Look nicholas.. We need to talk!”

Posted by silent living…

part 127: (hanzalah+nicholas)

**”Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-**

Nick was over exhausted and had a headache from hell. He lay awake pondering about hanzalahs wise words. The kid was so young yet so wise.

nick tried hard to sleep. But I guess it sometimes occurs that when you’re over tired, its harder to fall asleep.

Hanzalah had insisted that nick have his room all to himself. There was an extra room and he would give nick some space.

Nick wondered if tasha and tom were looking for him. He knew that at some point he would have to go back home. But he wasn’t ready just yet.

He felt a certain sense of calmness here at the gujiwalas residence. They were such warm and good hearted people.

And he feared what would happen if he went back. Would he be taken to jail for being underage with so much of alcohol and drugs?

Can kids his age even go to jail?

He knew that this was the end of his education. The school had given him far too many chances. They were definitely not going to give him any more.

He was feeling terribly edgy without his stash and even more so without his phone.

He felt feverish and sweaty. Nervous and drained.

This was the longest he’s been without it in a long time.

Withdrawal symptoms.

Nicks eyes fluttered open to the soothing sound of some muffled words just outside the room. He must have just dozed off when the sound went on. Well that’s how he felt. Like he only slept for 5 minutes.

He couldn’t get his body up. He was beyond exhausted.

Nick was about to close his eyes again when he heard the door slowly squeaking open. Hanzalah had come to check on nick.

“Heyyy!” Nick slurred, half asleep..

“Oh I’m so sorry for waking you up…” Hanzalah said in a panic.

“Its cool bro…I was up already… You didn’t wake me.” Came nicks reply.

Hanzalah calmed down and walked towards the bed and sat down on it. “What’s up? The bed not comfy enough?”

“no no… It is.. Very comfortable…”

“So then? Talk to me… What’s on your mind?”

Nick shrugged but remained silent in deep thought.

“I won’t push you to talk.. You know that.. But when and if you’re ready.. My ears are open k”

Nick forced a grateful smile.

“I’m just going to pray.. I’ll be back in a few minutes”

“Aren’t you going to church to pray?”

“Not today… My dads gone… And you’re here.. So I’ll just pray at home today.”

Hanzalah didn’t want nick to feel bad so he didn’t go into detail about how it wouldn’t be appropriate to leave a strange boy alone in the house with his young sister and step mother. But he was very concerned about what to do about school. Nick wasn’t going anywhere and hanzalah had never missed a day of school thus far. He’s very punctual usually. So he had no idea what they were going to do with nick for the rest of the day. But he kept his concerns to himself until he figured something out

“Ok nicholas…. Please make yourself at home. The fridge is stocked up and well basically…..just make yourself at home okay?”

“Thanks bro… I really owe you…by the way, if anyone asks you…”

“No-ones going to ask me. Trust me!”

Hanzalah was right. Why would anyone ask him about nicks where abouts. He would be the last person anyone who ask.

Nick watched hanzalah and his family leave the house and close the door behind them and then he heard their car reverse out of the driveway.

He took one look around the house and sighed deeply.
“I guess I’m going to have to find something to do for the next couple of hours or else I’ll be bored out of my socks..”

“Look at yourself nick! You’re talking to yourself…”

Nick shook his head and walked around the house aimlessly.

“Where do these people keep their TV?” He mumbled to himself again.

After a few dragged minutes, nick decided to go back to hanzalahs room and try to get some sleep. There was absolutely nothing to do and he was quite exhausted and edgy.

The house was so quiet that he could hear the clock ticking somewhere in the house. It took nick another hour before he decided…
“Maybe I should call my mother….”

Pathetic Authors note:
I am truly Verrrrrrry sorry for my absolutely pathetic delay in posting. I would be just as mad as you are had I been a reader of this blog.
But please do understand that life at the moment is terribly crazy.

I cannot promise when the next post will be. But I can promise that the blog hasn’t cum to an end.

I will try to post as soon as I can.. So please bare with me.

I will also try to rather complete the story quickly so that I don’t have to put you guys through so much of a torment.

Pls accept my apology…

And jx for being so patient.

Bibi ayesha

Posted by silent living…

part 126: (nicholas)

bismillahir rahmaanir raheem

Tasha abed tossed and turned all through the night. What was happening to her life? Her son was who knows where, and her husband was blaming her for everything.

Tom and tasha hadn’t spoken to eachother for the rest of the day. Tasha couldn’t bare to look in his face or be in the same room as he was. He had applied salt to a raw wound that she had been avoiding for years. And it burnt like hell.

Tasha had tried her best to overcome her past. To put everything behind her. To never think of the mess she had caused for not only herself but for her innocent son aswel.

Ever since she married tom, she was a different person. She stopped blaming herself. She put her past way behind her and took an oath never to bring it up again in her life. To live a life as if nothings ever happened.

And now all of that was a big fat waste. Tom had thrown it all in her face. He had hurt her in a terrible way and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to forgive him so soon.

Everytime she thought of forgiving him, her subconscious mind scolded her.. ‘ You have every right to be angry at him. How dare he bring up something he wasn’t even there to witness? Who does he think he is?”

And so the day passed. She waited anxiously for her son. no matter what a child may do, a mother has constant concern about them. She couldn’t but wonder where nicholas was. Was he okay? Had he eaten anything? How far down had nick gone this time around? Would he ever come around?

She wanted to pray for her sons well being, but she felt terribly guilty. She hadn’t prayed to anyone or anything in almost her entire life. Tasha was never religious in any way. She never thought about God but she never ever denied that there was one.

She remembered attending church once or twice as a little girl. But her mother never went to church either. Her mother was confused as to whether she was a muslim or a christian. So she just stopped going or praying and stopped her daughters too.

So why would God listen to her now? Ofcourse He wouldn’t listen. She had neglected Him all of her sad and sorry life. So tasha gave up on the idea of praying.

She turned around for the umpteenth time and looked at the time on her phone. It was 3:30am. She gave up on sleep and took a walk to the kitchen to drink a glass of water and on her way back to the guestroom where she had been sleeping, she passed by nicks room.

She stood at the door and switched the light on and just looked around for a while. She wasn’t sure what she was looking for, but she looked. Perhaps she would find some sign or missing piece to this puzzle called life. Where had she gone wrong?

Eventually she sat down on nicks bed with a picture of nick and her that she found in his bedside drawer. It was a picture they had taken when nick was just 2 years old. They looked so happy together while playing on the sand at the beachfront in durban.

If only she knew those many years ago that life was going to change and that she was going to lose her son to the evils around, she would have held onto him a little longer and probably never let go.

He woke up with a shock. his body was trembling inside as he jolted up on his bed. But then tom realised that it was only his silly phone alarm that was sounding on the side pedestal.

He switched it off and lay back on his bed staring at the ceiling. ‘When had life become so complicated?”

He looked towards his right to find the bed empty. Tasha hadn’t even come to bed. She was either sitting up the entire night worried about nicholas or sleeping in the guest room. Tom had no energy to apologise. He was just fed-up beyond repair.

He sighed and got out of bed and after showering and wearing a clean set of clothes, headed off to work without even checking up on tasha or having breakfast. He just wanted to get out of his tense and miserable surroundings as fast as he could.

Authors note:
I truly apologise for my lack of posts.. Its been a crazy past week and more.

Nevertheless, eid mubarak to all of you. May you all have the best eid you’ve ever had before. May it be spiritually uplifting and blessed.

Remember me and my family in your special duas and jx for your patience.

Posted by silent living…