bismillahir rahmaanir raheem
Tasha abed tossed and turned all through the night. What was happening to her life? Her son was who knows where, and her husband was blaming her for everything.
Tom and tasha hadn’t spoken to eachother for the rest of the day. Tasha couldn’t bare to look in his face or be in the same room as he was. He had applied salt to a raw wound that she had been avoiding for years. And it burnt like hell.
Tasha had tried her best to overcome her past. To put everything behind her. To never think of the mess she had caused for not only herself but for her innocent son aswel.
Ever since she married tom, she was a different person. She stopped blaming herself. She put her past way behind her and took an oath never to bring it up again in her life. To live a life as if nothings ever happened.
And now all of that was a big fat waste. Tom had thrown it all in her face. He had hurt her in a terrible way and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to forgive him so soon.
Everytime she thought of forgiving him, her subconscious mind scolded her.. ‘ You have every right to be angry at him. How dare he bring up something he wasn’t even there to witness? Who does he think he is?”
And so the day passed. She waited anxiously for her son. no matter what a child may do, a mother has constant concern about them. She couldn’t but wonder where nicholas was. Was he okay? Had he eaten anything? How far down had nick gone this time around? Would he ever come around?
She wanted to pray for her sons well being, but she felt terribly guilty. She hadn’t prayed to anyone or anything in almost her entire life. Tasha was never religious in any way. She never thought about God but she never ever denied that there was one.
She remembered attending church once or twice as a little girl. But her mother never went to church either. Her mother was confused as to whether she was a muslim or a christian. So she just stopped going or praying and stopped her daughters too.
So why would God listen to her now? Ofcourse He wouldn’t listen. She had neglected Him all of her sad and sorry life. So tasha gave up on the idea of praying.
She turned around for the umpteenth time and looked at the time on her phone. It was 3:30am. She gave up on sleep and took a walk to the kitchen to drink a glass of water and on her way back to the guestroom where she had been sleeping, she passed by nicks room.
She stood at the door and switched the light on and just looked around for a while. She wasn’t sure what she was looking for, but she looked. Perhaps she would find some sign or missing piece to this puzzle called life. Where had she gone wrong?
Eventually she sat down on nicks bed with a picture of nick and her that she found in his bedside drawer. It was a picture they had taken when nick was just 2 years old. They looked so happy together while playing on the sand at the beachfront in durban.
If only she knew those many years ago that life was going to change and that she was going to lose her son to the evils around, she would have held onto him a little longer and probably never let go.
He woke up with a shock. his body was trembling inside as he jolted up on his bed. But then tom realised that it was only his silly phone alarm that was sounding on the side pedestal.
He switched it off and lay back on his bed staring at the ceiling. ‘When had life become so complicated?”
He looked towards his right to find the bed empty. Tasha hadn’t even come to bed. She was either sitting up the entire night worried about nicholas or sleeping in the guest room. Tom had no energy to apologise. He was just fed-up beyond repair.
He sighed and got out of bed and after showering and wearing a clean set of clothes, headed off to work without even checking up on tasha or having breakfast. He just wanted to get out of his tense and miserable surroundings as fast as he could.
I truly apologise for my lack of posts.. Its been a crazy past week and more.
Nevertheless, eid mubarak to all of you. May you all have the best eid you’ve ever had before. May it be spiritually uplifting and blessed.
Remember me and my family in your special duas and jx for your patience.
Posted by silent living…