part 50: (nicholas)

**”Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-**

Its been a boring holiday for nick. Nothing much to do at his aunt roxys house..

She’s abit of a pain compared to his mother. Aunt roxy is a little OCD…

She wants everything in a certain manner and screams at the top of her voice about any and everything.

Nick is used to doing whatever he feels like, whenever he feels like and however he feels like. No-one ever scolds at him for leaving the towel on the floor after he baths or for sitting on the bed once its made or for dropping breadcrumbs on the floor whilst having breakfast in the morning.

He’s used to eating whatever he wants to for breakfast, lunch, supper and snacking inbetween.. Unfortunately things in roxys house is very different. She’s a health freak.

You won’t easily find chocolates or junk food in her house and breakfast needs to be wholesome. Snacks inbetween should strictly be dried fruit and nuts or fresh fruit.

Nick sitting with his i-pad or phone was driving her crazy…

“Don’t you ever read in your life? Your mother really spoilt you rotten.. And in all the wrong ways.. These things are so detrimental to your life.. We have a whole library of books.. Go and pick something or do something constructive with your life..” She screamed at nick for the millionth time.

“No wonder she has no kids. She would probably drive them bananas” nick muttered to himself..

“What was that?” She asked since she was half deaf.

“Nothing.. I was just saying that I need to snack on a banana…” Nick smiled broadly..

“Sure.. Sure.. That’s a good start.. I’m glad you’re learning. Maybe you can teach your mother a few things when she returns.” Roxy said and walked away.

Nick rolled his eyes…

He took out his phone and sent his mother a message..
“If you don’t return soon, I’m afraid I’m going to turn into a raging teenager…. And then you’re going to regret not coming home sooner.”

Tasha replied about 6 hours later..
“It can’t be that bad nicko… Aunt roxy is just like that.. Just ignore her and do your own thing.”

“Its not that easy when you have her hounding you down every second of the day..” Nick replied instantly..

But tasha didn’t reply…

Tasha was having a ball of a time on honeymoon… Tom was just the perfect husband and spoiling her rotten. She didn’t regret leaving nick behind one bit.

They made the most of every second of their honeymoon.

They’ve been to different beaches, the shopping was to die for, the variety of cuisines were divine and all in all, she was finally happy.

after years of being used and dumped by men of different ages and races, she had finally found someone who treats her like a queen.

Tom was a gentleman in the true sense of the word. He was mature and wise but the kid in him came out when it needed to aswel…

It was the perfect time to unwind and let loose. Because as soon as they got back, life began….

Tasha started work at the new job… Well it wasn’t entirely new.. She was still at a bank doing the same work, only in a new town and with entirely new people.

Tashas an extrovert and makes friends easily.

But nick on the other hand…. Wasn’t doing so well making friends at his new school.

He was forced to stick around with john and kevin who seemed to be the main guys of the school. they were the famous lot. He didn’t know anyone else and they dragged him along with them during lunch time.

“Who’s the new geek?” One of kevins friends asked as he approached their usual spot near the cafeteria…

“Aah.. Just some familys friends step kid… Don’t be too harsh for now.. His new… We’ll make him one of us soon… He is abit of a loser. But I’m hoping he’ll come around. If not, we’ll ditch him” kevin replied.
“His step dads loaded so I suggest we keep him for now…”

Nick didn’t hear any of it because he was too busy taking in his surroundings and feeling awkward. If only he knew what kind of crowd he was getting involved with..

After they ate half of their lunch and threw the rest of it in the waste bin, the crowd strolled to the back of the school to hit a smoke.

Something nick definitely wasn’t familiar with.

Posted by silent living…


part 49: (sabreen)

**”Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-**

“Sabreen! Sweety… Do you have any idea how worried I was about you… Are you alright? Look at you… You’re soaking wet…” And hilda continued to fuss in her hysteric yet relieved state..

Sabreen was distraught.. She didn’t want to be found. She didn’t care that hilda was worried and she didn’t care that she was wet. Infact, she was angry that hilda had found her.

She didn’t say a word as they drove home.

Once they got home, hilda got her changed into dry clothes and dried her wet hair too.

She got her a warm mug of hot chocolate and brought it up to her room.

“Why’d you just run off like that sweety? What’s the matter? Do you not like it here?” Hilda asked sabreen after she had taken her first sip of hot chocolate.

Sabreen just looked into her cup without saying anything.

If only hilda knew. Its not that she didn’t like it here. She loved it here. And she didn’t want to go back home. But she didn’t have the courage to answer.

Hilda sighed and got up to leave the room.

She hesitated for a while and stood at the door before saying..
“If you’re not happy here my darling… We’ll take you home. Just please don’t run away. Your mum and dad want you back so uncle mike and I will take you home tomorrow morning after breakfast…”

Sabreen began feeling anxious as soon as hilda closed the door. Her chest tightened and she could feel her heartbeat increasing. She was stressing out. Couldn’t hilda just know that she didn’t want to go back. She didn’t have enough courage to say what she needed to. especially after she had run away. And now that her stress levels were at its peak, it seemed to have caught her vocal cords too. She couldn’t talk.

She needed to think of a way. What could she do to escape going back home?

Sabreen placed her empty mug on the side pedestal of her bed and had an urge to use the bathroom all the while trying to solve this puzzle. Alice had told her once while teaching her to build a 4 piece puzzle that every puzzle could be solved. Puzzles were made to be solved. But she just couldn’t solve this puzzle of her life. She didn’t know the solution. Was a piece to this complicated puzzle missing?

As she sat on the toilet pan, her eyes fell on the cabinet beneath the sink that lay slightly ajar.

She caught a glimpse of a bottle of aspirin.

As soon as she jumped off the toilet, she opened the cabinet and discovered that this was where hilda and mike kept all their medication.

She had an idea..

Sabreen double checked that the bathroom door was locked and returned to the cabinet to inspect the different kinds of medication.

She couldn’t read so it was hard to tell what was what. She only knew the aspirin bottle because she was used to it from home. she was often told to take an aspirin when she was ill.

There were pills of different sizes and colours and there were some syrups too.

Sabreen wasn’t particularly fond of putting nasty tasting things in her mouth so she filled the gargling tumbler with water from the basin and sat down with a couple of pills..

This was her solution. Putting an end to her clueless, useless life.

Once all these pills were taken, she was sure that she would be dead and never have to feel another day of sadness or pain again.

Today was her final day. She drank as many as her tummy could handle and left the bathroom once she’d disposed of the empty boxes, bottles and medicine packets in the dustbin.

She lay on the bed waiting for the final moments when she would eventually not feel anything anymore.

She waited and waited and everytime she felt like nothing was happening, she went back to the bathroom for more.

Until finally, she dosed off into an extremely deep, almost comatose state.

Authors note:
Jazakallaah soooo much to everyone for their heartfelt duas and understanding.. Continue with those duas though and keep the comments coming too…

Posted by silent living…

part 48: (sabreen)

**”Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-**

The rain was beginning to come down much harder now and then a loud thunder burst got sabreen abit panicked.

She held onto her knees tighter and thought hard about what her next move should be.

Should she just sit here in the rain until it eventually stops?

She glared up at the sky through the hard drops that were falling on her face.

The last time she felt the rain fall down on her, it was an exhilarating feeling. She enjoyed every drop and felt free and happy.

Today was the total opposite. She panicked more and more with every drop that fell down. She was afraid. Afraid of so many things. Afraid of getting wet. Afraid of getting sick. Afraid of what her outcome was going to be. Afraid of hilda finding her. Afraid of being sent back home. Afraid of being tortured any more.

She wasn’t free and happy this time round. This time she was trapped and very very unhappy. Sad infact.

And by the looks of it, this rain wasn’t going to subside any time soon.

And just when she thought it wouldn’t get any worse, tiny little ice cubes began falling. First slowly and then the speed gradually picked up. It started to come down much harder. It was hailing now.

Sabreen instinctively picked up her plastic bag of belongings and rushed for shelter. She went around to the front of the building where the changing rooms were and ran into the bathroom.

She felt a little safe for a while. It was dry but the loud roars of thunder could still be heard from inside and the banging of what sounded like much larger hail stones too.

Atleast she was much safer inside she thought.

But then a few other people started to take shelter in the bathrooms too.

Sabreen felt very conscious of herself suddenly. She felt uneasy and shifted around abit. She kept her gaze lowered so not to make any eye contact with anyone.

Maybe no-one was even looking at her, but she just felt that way. That everyones eyes were on her.

She heard some peoples muffled voices and imagined that they were gossiping about her. About the. Useless little ugly girl with the cleft that ran away and tried to hide in the bathrooms of the public football grounds.

Ofcourse no-one was talking about her. But sabreen had very little left of her self esteem. Actually she had no self esteem at all. She thought herself to be useless and ugly when she actually wasn’t. She was beautiful in a very special kind of way.

She couldn’t hear the people around her talking because the loud noise of the hail stones against the zink roof of the building made it rather difficult to hear anything.

But as the time passed, the hail seemed to have calmed down and the rain too.

It was then that sabreen heard a young boys voice saying: “hey! Aren’t you the little girl who’s lost? You’re wearing a pink t-shirt with a denim shorts. Your hair is light blonde like she explained and yes.. Its you… You have a cleft on the one side of your face.. I hope she’s still around here.. Your mums looking for you all over. Come on!”

He took hold of her hand and pulled her out of the bathroom.

Sabreen was too shocked to first of all process what was going on.

“There she is…” He shouted as he pointed towards his left..

Sabreen looked up and noticed hildas car in a distance. She wanted to run again. She couldn’t go back… She had come this far.

But it was too late. The boy was waving frantically and screaming, trying to get hildas attention.

Hilda was gone hysterical when she came out of the shower and noticed sabreen missing.

She drove around all stressed out and thinking the worst.

She stopped at almost every passer by to ask if they’d seen the little girl in pink and a denim shorts with light blonde hair and bronze streaks who had a cleft on one side of her face.

She had almost lost all hope when it began thundering and pouring but now spotted a young teenage boy holding sabreen and frantically trying to get her attention.

Authors note:
Please make me maaf for late post. The reason I took a sudden break last week was because my husband got suddenly ill and its been quite hectic. Unfortunately he has once again been admitted to hospital so I can’t promise a proper time for posts until he has recovered completely. I will however try my best inbetween hospital, a dead battery and poor network. So please bare with me and remember us in your duas..

part 47: (hanzalah)

**”Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-**

“Its just procedure naseema dear… Its just to make sure everythings alright.” Doctor yasmin reassured.

That eased naseema for a while. She waited in the line at room 2 while hanzalah and habeeba again waited in the waiting area.

Once the ECG was done, they proceeded back to the doctors rooms.

“The ECG shows that there’s a slight prolonging…well basically its called a prolonged QT interval..” Dr yasmeen showed naseema on the printed graph from the ECG.

This made naseema start panicking again… She was worried that she was going to die.

“Listen… It may be nothing to stress about. I suggest we just get a cardiologist to check it out. Our machines here are very basic and the readings aren’t very accurate. We’re just GP’s.. We don’t specialise in these things. But just so we know that everythings okay,” dr called her receptionist to make an appointment with the cardiologist at the nearest hospital…

“Has your ummi been stressing a lot lately?” She asked hanzalah concerned whilst they waited for the receptionist to call back.

“She has.. She panics a lot lately. Everything seems to get her panicked. Even habeeba falling or crying gets her panicked..” Hanzalah replied.

Doctor looked at naseema sympathetically and placed a comforting hand on hers. “You have to take it easy my dear. Really. Your family is there for you. You have a loving husband and a mature young man here to look after you. Its bad enough that the cancer has reached this far, we don’t want any extra complications now.”

The receptionist called back to say that the next available appointment would only be sometime in the middle of next month.

“Let’s just kEep the appointment. If we get another appointment with another doctor sooner, then we’ll just cancel that one…” Naseema suggested.

Doctor nodded in agreement.. “But in the meantime, I need you to have complete rest. I’m prescribing some strong sleeping pills. You need it. Just take it easy okay and don’t hesitate to call me if anything happens.”

“You see ummi… I told you that I needed to learn how to drive…” Hanzalah started again as soon as they’d jumped into the car to go home..

Naseema laughed..

They returned home and hanzalah immediately gave his mum some of the medication they’d gotten from the pharmacy…

He made sure she was in bed and didn’t get up for anything.

She had already cooked for supper so there was no need to worry about that.

a worried abdullah returned home in the evening only to find naseema fast asleep in bed.

Hanzalah explained everything to his father who agreed that it was best for naseema to just take things easy.

In the meantime, abdullah tried getting numbers of cardiologists in the area so that they could get naseema seen to sooner. He didn’t want to wait until halfway next month. He loved his wife dearly and didn’t want anything to happen to her. He couldn’t imagine life without her. She was his pillar, his strength, his only love. The only woman his ever known and been so attached to and losing her would be like losing his whole life.

As much as he knew that whatever happened in life was Allahs will, the thought of losing naseema was something he just wasn’t ready for. He silently prayed that Allah granted her a speedy recovery and a long beneficial life.

He googled a few doctors in the area and spoke to some of the brothers at the masjid after esha salaah and by the next morning had a list of cardiologists in and around the area.

He left his shop work aside and immediately began calling for appointments.

After 3 calls and still no sooner appointment, the shop phone rang…

“Abba… Its ummi… She’s not feeling too well abba… She can’t breathe and she says she feels like fainting…” Hanzalahs stressed voice was heard through the phone.

“Calm down hanzalah.. What happened? Just get ummi a glass of water, I’m locking up here and will be home as soon as I can…” Abdullah said.

When abdullah reached home, naseema was laying down on the sofa in the lounge.

She was shivering when it was almost 30 degrees outside.

Hanzalah had wrapped a light blanket around her and was sitting beside her trying to comfort her.

“What happened my love?” Abdullah rushed towards naseema…

“I don’t know.. I’m cold and I’m feeling terribly light headed. Maybe my blood pressure again… I think I need to go to the hospital.” Naseema said.

Naseema hated the hospital. And the fact that she’d asked to be taken, was a sign that this was serious.

Authors note:
Thanks to everyone for understanding about my last minute break and jazakallah to everyone for being concerned and their heartfelt duas..
Inshallah the blog will continue from today as normal.

Posted by silent living…


Assalaamu alaykum to all…

I would like to sincerely apologise but unfortunately this blog will have to take a little unplanned break due to unforeseen circumstances.

Please remember this hopeless servant in ur duas..

Juma mubarak…

Posted by silent living…

part 46: (hanzalah)

**”Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-**

Naseema had been feeling a little better lately. She definitely still had her off days. Days where she couldn’t see to her daily chores. Days where she couldn’t continue schooling habeeba and days where she was unable to help hanazalah with his work.

But she had an understanding, supportive and loving family who stood by her throughout her off days.

Abdullah would close the shop just to take hanzalah for his extra curricular activities such as football and horse riding. Fortunately he was his own boss and was able to do such.

Hanzalah would try to figure his way through his work by himself. And luckily he was home schooled so he could always skip a section to come back to it when naseema was able to assist him.

The days naseema could cope, she would prepare extra food and chapatis so that it could help her on the days she wasn’t feeling too good.

It was mostly the days after her treatments that she would feel weak and extra sick. It was normal. Just the side effects of the treatments.

she had an appointment with her GP this afternoon as she was starting to feel terribly weak and light headed. She was feeling a little more nauseous than usual and breathing was a little bit more difficult.

Abdullah insisted on taking her to the doctor but she refused…

“No my love.. I’ll be fine.. Hanzalah will come with me. He’ll watch over me. If I don’t feel well enough, I’ll give you a call and you can come…” Naseema tried to convince abdullah over the phone.

Abdullah sighed and gave in. He knew how stubborn his wife could be about these things and there was no point in arguing. But naseema knew that it was purely out of concern that her husband reacted this way and this made her love him even more.

She always heard her friends complaining about their husbands and how they got fed-up when their wives were ill. But not abdullah. He was a true gem.. Well ofcourse he was. He tried his very best to follow our beloved nabi muhammad (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) in every regard. And nabi (Sallallaahu alayhi wasallam) said that the best from amongst you are those who are best to his wives…

And this abdullah was.. He was the best.

As soon as they’d eaten lunch, hanzalah shooed his mother to lie down while he cleared up the table for her and then got ready to leave.

“I’m sure its just your blood pressure ummi.. It must be very low again. But if you’re not feeling too well, I don’t mind driving for you…” Hanzalah smirked and tried to butter his mother up to let him drive.

“Nice try young man… But we wouldn’t want to kill me before my time now would we? And besides, we have habeeba with us aswel.. Why torture your innocent little sister?” Naseema joked..

Hanzalah laughed. He knew his mother would never go against any rules in her life. But he really wanted to learn how to drive. Abdullah promised to teach hanzalah when the time was right and when he was of the right age. For now though, there was no reason for them to go breaking the laws of the country.

Upon reaching the doctors surgery, naseema was asked to have her urine tested aswel as her blood pressure.

She continued to the relevant areas while hanzalah kept habeeba occupied in the waiting area.

“Mrs gujiwala?” The assistant called when it was finally their turn to be seen by the doctor.

“How are you feeling my dear? ” Dr yasmin asked naseema.

“Well.. Not too well today. But I’m not so sure that this has anything to do with the cancer. I’m just feeling terribly weak…”

Naseema listed her ailments for today as the doctor listened attentively and took down notes on her computer.

“Aha…” The doctor nodded.. ” I see that your blood pressures quite high today..”

“You mean low?” Naseema corrected.

“No dear.. High… Its 185 over 85…” The doctor raised her concerns

“But that’s strange.. Ummis blood pressure is always extra low..” Hanzalah said with a shocked expression on his face.

“Hmm.. I know.. That’s why I’m a little worried…” The doctor said writing something down on a piece of paper.. “Have you been very stressed out lately?

“No… Not really.. Just the normal…” Naseema replied.

“Ummi is a natural stress pot. Everything stresses her out..” Hanzalah replied fondly with a smile on his face and shaking his head.

Doctor yasmin laughed lightly and then handed naseema a piece of paper.. “I would like to proceed to room 2 for an ECG… When you’re done, you can come back here and I’ll examine you and take it from there..”

An ECG? Why? Was something now wrong with naseemas heart? What was going on?

Posted by silent living…

part 45: (sabreen)

**”Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-**

“Sabreen. ” Hilda called as she entered sabreens room.

Sabreen was sitting on the edge of the bed thinking hard about what to do when hilda walked in. She hoped that hilda didn’t know that she was eavesdropping again. And she hoped even more that hilda wouldn’t be here to tell her that she was taking her back to her parents… She also hoped that hilda didn’t notice her streSsed out face. But thanks to her cleft that always gave her face the same look, hilda didn’t notice a thing.

“Oh… You’ve fitted it on… Looks good on you sweety.. Glad it fits..” Hilda said noticing that sabreen had been trying on some of her new clothes.

sabreen looked lovely in a clean set of clothes that were her size instead of the overly large t-shirt and jeans of alices that she had on previously.

“I’m just jumping in for a quick shower. I won’t be too long. Will you be alright? Should I switch on the television for you?” Hilda asked.

Sabreen shook her head.

She had trust issues. She couldn’t trust her parents and She couldn’t trust hilda now either. Hilda wasn’t saying anything about her call to sam and beth. And that made sabreen more scared. Were they all conspiring against her?

“Ok then… See you in a bit…” Hilda said as she closed sabreens room door and headed towards her en suite..

Sabreen sat thinking… Its either she runs away now or she won’t get an opportunity again. And then they would drop her off back home and that would just be a nightmare.

But where would she run to? Alice and tony were in the next town and she didn’t know her way around at all. She has never been in the outside world before, let alone all by herself.

What if someone kidnapped her? Or hurt her?

Well either way she was still going to be hurt and right now running away was her only option. She’ll figure out where to once she’s out.

She opened her room door and walked towards hildas room. She placed her ear against the door and listened for the shower. Just at that moment she heard the shower door close and knew that hilda was definitely in. She would have to be very quick.

She ran back to her room and threw whatever hilda had bought for her (which was basically all that she posseSsed) into the shopping bags. She grabbed the bags and tiptoed swiftly down the stairs and out the back door.

The front would be too obvious and she didn’t know how to open or close the main gate and she did notice a side gate where the domestic entered and exited from.

She prayed with everything she had that the gate was left unlocked. Or else therE would be no other way out.

As she neared the gate, she noticed the lock on the gate was open.

She carefully opened the gate and rushed out…

She was out… And free… For now.. In this HUGE world…

Where to now?

Sabreen didn’t think, she didn’t care… She didn’t even look back. She was too afraid that someone was behind her and hilda had noticed that she was missing.

So she ran and ran and turned into the next street… She remembered coming this way. It looked vaguely familiar but she couldn’t place where she was.

It was still broad daylight and there were cars passing by but she was too afraid to look so she kept her gaze down.

There were many people walking, either to and from school and to the shops perhaps and back home. So she didn’t look that suspicious to anyone.

That’s it! That’s why this road looked so familiar.. It was the road that lead to the park they’d visited the last time with mike and hilda.

That would be a good place to hide for a while. No one would notice her there..

She picked up her pace and rushed eagerly to reach the park a little sooner. She needed to get off any familiar roads or areas because hilda was sure to look for her.

After some time, much effort and continuous huffing, sabreen had reached the park. Only, she wasn’t interested in its beauty today. She needed to find a quiet spot where she could hide and nobody would find her.

There were tennis courts and a football ground part of the park which sabreen had paSsed.

She found a face brick building which was possibly the bathrooms and changing rooms. she went to the back of the building. It was quiet and there was a brick wall behind. This would be her hiding spot for a while, until she thought of a plan…

She was exhausted. Her feet ached and her chest too. All that walking had been too much for her little body, so when she sat down on the gravel, she felt so relieved even though it was hard and stoney.

She leaned against the wall with her knees drawn to her chest and placed her head to rest. With all the exhaustion she had drifted off into a deep slumber.

She awoke to a loud thundering sound above her and trickles of raindrops falling onto her bare arms and head.

Posted by silent living…