This blog will be on a break until further notice.

Maaf for the inconvenience.


Posted by silent living…


part 77: (nicholas)

**”Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-**

The guys hung around till around 8:30 or so until kevin got a call.

After cutting the call he approached the group with a huge smile..
“Its party time!!!!!!!!”

The guys all hit hands and did some crazy dance and nick was the only one who didn’t know what was going on but he knew better than to ask anymore questions. They’ll just laugh him out. So instead, he followed their lead.

They walked towards the nearest exit of the mall. An exit which nick hadn’t been to before. It was more quiet around this side.

As soon as they were out, kevin picked up his pace towards a red BMW.

A very bling looking girl, who looked much older, jumped out of the drivers seat and embraced kevin affectionately.

All the other guys seemed to be heading in the same direction.

Once kevin was done with his very gross public display of affection, everyone jumped in the car and nick followed too.

Nick was nervous and looked all around hoping that this wasn’t another scheme of theirs to get him into trouble.

He hoped that tom and tasha weren’t lurking around somewhere here by any chance.

Much to nicks approval, The BM had tinted windows which made him relax abit in his seat. No-one would notice him. That was a relief.

But where were they going to? What if something happened on the way? Did this chick even have her licence?

Nick scolded himself subconsciously.. “You need to chill out nicky… If you want to have fun and know what true happiness is, then go with the flow.”

The barbie doll stuck a cigarette in her mouth and turned to kevin for a light.

After one pull she passed it on to kevin who also did the same thing. He took a puff and passed it on to one of the guys at the back.

Everyone else looked quite used to this. Its like they’ve been doing this for years.

The cigarette was lastly handed over to nick.

At first he grossed out at the idea that the blonde chick had her mouth to it but then again ignored his good side of his mind and heart.

After the incident at school, nick had become accustomed to smoking. He did it more and more often with the guys and occasionally tried it when he was home alone on the balcony.

He made sure that the smell was out long before tasha or tom came home and that all the evidence was cleared up.

So today when nick pulled the cigarette, it didn’t have the same effect that it did on the first pull he’d had in his life.

This time it felt awesome to be able to do it freely without being afraid of being caught out and he was glad that he didn’t have to pass it on to anyone else after him.

He puffed and puffed wildly until there was nothing left of it.

In all his excitement of the freedom that he finally had, he hadn’t even been concentrating on where they were heading. It was only when the car stopped abruptly that he looked up and realized that they were parked off in the parking area of some weird looking block of almost broken down flats.

What in the world were they doing here?

Nick followed them as they all rolled out of the car. Kevin was lost in his new attraction it seemed.

They stopped infront of a zinc shutter. It may have been someones garage door. blonde barbie knocked 3 times on the tiny window on the side of the shutter which was completely sprayed black.

Nick tried peering through the window but couldn’t see a thing.

After a few minutes, the shutter was opened just enough for them to enter.

Wow!!! There was a party going on inside there.. A party that nick was ever too excited to be attending.

Everything was in a sort of gothic theme. Red and black. But it looked cool to nick.

He noticed a few of the girls that the group had spoken to a few times from the girls school across from theirs.

In one corner was a sort of lounge idea where a couple of people sat ontop of eachother smoking sheesha.

There was a dance floor in the middle where a few teenage looking kids jumped around like zombies.

In another corner, nick noticed a tiny bar. And that’s when he felt a little sick. He wasn’t just about to get into such things. Had he made a mistake by agreeing to tag along with the guys?

I guess it was too late to turn back now.. Nick had no idea where exactly he was, or how he was ever going to get home. He wanted to run… But where to?

Posted by silent living…

part 76: (hanzalah)

**”Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-**

Hanzalah, abdullah and habeeba sat waiting to enjoy their treats at milky lane.

Abdullah ordered his famous coffee shake, hanzalah ordered a waffle with ice cream and caramel sauce and habeeba had to have a sticky bloo goo..

They sat in silence at first. And then hanzalah spoke first after their order was placed.
“If ummi was here she would’ve ordered her favourite…”

“Milo milkshake” they all said in unison.

And then there was silence. Both abdullah and hanzalah deep in thought. Habeeba was still too young to understand their emotions but she was silent because she was watching some other kid across them enjoying his chocolate ice cream.

Abdullah didn’t want to bring up the main topic until after the kids enjoyed their treats. He didn’t want to spoil this special moment.

“So son… How’s school lately? You’re enjoying it?” Abdullah tried to break the ice.

“Well honestly abba… No..” Hanzalah replied.

Abdullah didn’t expect that answer. This was the first time he was hearing of this.
“Why beta? What’s happening? You know you can talk to me about anything.”

“Its just.. I don’t know, I find it so awkward that we’re in an islamic school but we have to share the same class with a whole lot of forward girls.” Hanzalah confessed.

“What do you mean? Aren’t the boys and girls seperate?” Abdullah asked confused.

Hanzalah laughed sarcastically. ” Yeah right. We’re separate in primary school when it doesn’t actually matter but when we’re all starting to become baaligh, we’re suddenly put together. Doesn’t make any sense to me. From grade 10 onwards, boys and girls have to be together for certain subjects and the worst part is that they don’t even put us separately, some of the lessons, we have girls sitting next to us which is really awkward and annoying cos we weren’t brought up like that abba.”

Abdullah admired his son for this. While boys his age would be celebrating for having girls in the same class, here was his son complaining about it.
“Son, you know what is right from wrong. Just hang in there. The thing is, in life, we’re going to have to be around strange women. Whether in the workplace, malls, outings, and school in your case. Its for us to control and fight ourselves and do what is right and stay away from evil. The real jihaad is to fight when we’re faced with the situation, not to hide from the situation.”

Hanzalah agreed. “You’re right abba. But what’s getting to me is that there’s too much of intermingling. The teachers don’t even do anything about it and the girls and boys interact freely even during the lesson. the worst is that when we have to do projects, the teachers pair us up randomly and sometimes we’re paired up with a girl. I won’t deal with that. I just won’t.”

They were interrupted by the waiter who brought their order through.

Once they thanked him, they began to dig in and enjoyed every bit of it.

Abdullah took a sip of his coffee shake and then addressed hanzalahs situation again.
“Look beta. Let’s just pull through for now. There’s only half a year left and if things don’t get better, we’ll see what we can do.”

Hanzalah respected his fathers decision and decided to do it for his sake.

Abdullah was done first and played nervously with his straw in his empty glass for abit.

Once hanzalah place the last piece of waffle in his mouth, he recited his dua softly and took a serviette to wipe his mouth. Habeeba was still struggling to get the spoon properly to her mouth without messing but was failing miserably.

Hanzalah laughed. “Should I help you habeebs?”

“No! I’m almost done…” She said without moving her gaze from the gooey blue ice-cream infront of her.

Abdullah silently prayed durood shareef and asked Allah to make this matter easy for him. He took a deep breath and asked with a smile…
“You guys enjoyed your treats?”

They nodded..”Jazakallah abba..”

He took a few minutes before saying..
“I have something important to discuss with the 2 of you now.”
” You both are my life. You’re my link to your mother and you’re all I have right now. I love you 2 so much and I don’t want the 2 of you to ever be neglected. I know its very soon and that we all still miss ummi so much, but….err… ”

Abdullah couldn’t continue. He didn’t know how to say it.

“But what abba?” Hanzalah asked with a frown while habeeba was a little oblivious really.

Abdullah tried explaining:”We’re going to need someone to help out at home. Someone to look after us. Not that they’ll take ummis place. No-one can ever take ummis place. But we need someone to take care of things in the house… And dadi suggested that naeema khalla… Err.. You know.. That naeema khalla should stay.. I mean….err”

“That you marry naeema khalla?” Hanzalah completed the sentence with a straight face.

Posted by silent living…

part 75: (sabreen)

**”Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-**

Sabreen woke up and found herself laying on the bed in the guest room.

She adjusted her eyes slightly to the lighting and tried to put together what exactly had happened.

She remembered sam and beth coming and beth crying all over her, she remembered alice and tony leaving and the rest was blank.

She suddenly turned her gaze to her right and found beth and hilda sitting next to her.

“Oh sabreen.. Sweetheart.. You’re awake. Mama was so worried about you…” Beth began screeching.

Why does that statement sound so familiar? Sabreen thought to herself.

Oh yes. Those are the same words beth said when she walked in earlier that evening.

Sabreen tensed up as beth brushed her hair back with her fingers.

“I’ll get you some water okay breeni? I’ll be right back..” Hilda said as she exited the room.

Beth turned to make sure that hilda had closed the door behind her and was gone for a few seconds before she sat closer to sabreen.
“Now you listen here you little twit… Enough with all your performances and you make sure you come back home with us tomorrow morning. We have a lot of sorting out to do…”

Beths voice had an evil tone to it as she gripped a fistful of sabreens hair and spoke directly in sabreens face through gritted teeth.. “Your father and I are extremely angry and we have a lot of revenge to take. Don’t you think that you can go around bad mouthing us all over, because let me tell you something you liTtle weasel. NO-ones going to believe a useless little piece of nothing like yourself.”

Beths back was facing the door and didn’t realise that hilda had turned the door knob and silently entered. Hildas mouth was agape as she took in the sight before her and heard her sisters evil words to sabreen. But she thought better than to let her know that she’d heard or seen anything and quietly closed the door again.

Sabreen knew that hilda had seen what happened and she silently thanked God for letting someone witness it. Definitely those rosary beads that naseema had given her were making a difference.

Hilda stood for a while outside the room against the wall trying to process what had just occured. She was shaking.

How could she have been so naïve not to realise what a thriller her sister was. But more so, what had turned her sister into this monster that she was?

Hilda composed herself after a little while and decided to act as if she hadn’t heard anything.

She tapped lightly on the door before entering and presented the glass of water absentmindedly to beth instead of sabreen..

“Erhh.. Sorry..” She shook herself out of her shock and turned the glass to sabreen this time.. “Here.. Here you go breeni. Drink this, this water, hope it will make you feel a little better..”

Hilda felt clumsy. She stood around for a while until beth decided that it was getting late and she was feeling a little tired.
“We need to head back home early tomorrow morning so I suggest we hit the sack hey.. Its been a long day for all of us…”

Hilda just nodded in agreement without looking beth in the eye.

She looked at sabreen with sympathetic eyes and then closed the door and left.

Once Beth and sam were settled in the bedroom downstairs, hilda trotted up the stairs and headed down the passage way to her own bedroom.

She settled into bed after changing into her nightie but mike noticed her restlessness.
“What’s up lovey? Somethings bothering you from earlier. I noticed it but thought you’ll come around.”

“Oh god mikey.. I think we’re making a big mistake…” Hilda put her hands over her face.

“Hey….mistake? About what?” Mike gently pulled her hands away from her face.

Hilda whispered to him about what happened earlier.

“I had my suspicions.. I won’t lie. But its your sister and I thought that atleast you would have noticed if something was up.” He confessed.

“How stupid could I be? that means tony was speaking the truth. And whatever alice told us about them must be true. But how will we know for sure?” Hilda said.

“we have to catch them red handed.. That’s how?” Mike voiced his opinion.

“But I’m scared for her. What if they go in there tonight and do something to her?” Hilda said afraid.

“Does sabreen lock her door at night?” Mike asked.

“No, actually she leaves it wide open.” Answered Hilda.

They both remained silent. Each one understanding the other silently.

Hilda got out of bed and slipped on her gown. She peered downstairs to make sure everything was still before creeping into sabreens room.

Posted by silent living…

part 74: (nicholas)

**”Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-**

Nick was jumped out of tom car on saturday night at the mall..

“Now don’t do anything I wouldn’t do son!” Tom warned with a wink before driving off.

Nick waved with a mischievous grin as the car sped off.

Kevin and the rest asked him to meet them at the entertainment area on the upper deck of the mall at 8 sharp.

Nick didn’t want to look like a loser so he made sure tom dropped him off by 7:30 atleast.

He felt slightly strange being out here this time of the evening. the old nick has never done this before. But the new nick couldn’t wait for the night to begin.

Tom took a casual walk towards the entertainment area. He knew that it was right across from the movies as he was forced once to tag along with tasha and tom for a movie.

Apparently it was toms way of spending some quality family time.

It felt odd being out with his mother and step dad that time. But today he was free.. Liberated and with a new zest for life.

He found himself smiling a little to himself.

As he got to the entertainment area, it was already full. There were so many people. Kids of all ages screaming and having fun.

Nick began to feel abit nervous. How was he going to blend in with all these rowdy people?

He sat on a bench nearby and pulled out his phone to check the time. It was almost 7:45. He wondered if he should whatsapp one of the guys to find out where they are or what time they’ll be here but then decided against it.

He would just sit back and watch everyone and get in the vibe of things in the meantime.

Nick found himself feeling a little uneasy. He felt strange and restless inside. Like he was miSsing out on something in life.

He thought about all the kids he’d noticed in school. How come so many of the good kids just didn’t seem happy? How come you didn’t find them sitting in big groups and screaming and laughing about?

They looked rather empty and sad to him.

Here too he noticed a few kids that strolled around behind their parents looked so uptight and afraid. So afraid and oppressed. Bound by their parents rules.

And as he turned his head toward the game room, he found all the crazy kids with multi coloured hair to be so vibrant and alive.

They dressed according to the times and a few of them jived to the tunes in the background.

Each teenager had a bling phone in their hand and furiously typed away inbetween conversations with eachother.

Is this what I’ve been missing out on my whole life? Nick thought.

Is that why I’m so unhappy?

I have money but now happiness. All I’ve ever wanted was happiness. Was that too much to ask? Nick kept on thinking.

Nick felt a sudden slap on his back. He jolted forward and almost yelped in pain… But was suddenly surrounded by the gang.

They’ve all finally decided to pitch up.

“Hey nicky boy.. We thought you’d ditch us today. Didn’t think you’d actually make it through… Good to see you here man!” One of the guys from the group shouted ontop of the noise around.

They all talked amongst eachother for a while and nick thought of making some kind of conversation. He needed to start opening up and talking to them more. He needed to blend in.
“So…. What movie are we going to watch?”

Everyone was suddenly silent and turned to look at nick. And then they all burst out laughing.

nick frowned. He was confused. What could be so funny? He tried to think carefully about what he’d just said. He played the words a few times in his mind but didn’t find anything strange about his question.

Once the gang stopped laughing and calmed down, kevin put his arm around nicks shoulder..
“Nicky nicky….” He shook his head.. “You don’t really think we’re going to sit bored in one of those kiddie movies now are we? You think we called you here to watch some movie?”

Nick didn’t answer. He just thought to himself that they asked him to meet them At the movies so wouldn’t that make a person think that they’re going to watch a movie?

“We just asked you to meet us AT the movies” kevin continued almost as if he could read nicks mind. ” We didn’t say that we’re going to watch some movie. We’ve got some much more interesting things lined up for tonight bro… So you might as well loosen up and have some fun cos tonight you gona have more fun than you’ve ever had in your life.”

Posted by silent living…

part 73: (hanzalah)

**”Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-**

Abdullah met a brother from the locality after the maghrib salaah.

He was a wonderfully friendly character and always had kind words.

He expressed his sincerest condolences to abdullah and family and prayed that Allah grants them ease and tolerance through this difficult time.

Abdullah found himself confiding in this concerned brother who he’d grown to love because of his maturity and kind nature always.

He was young, yet he seemed to be full of insight.

“Brother, I suggest you read the short istikhaarah dua. Ask Allah for guidance. Its a dua that hazrat umme salamah radiallaahu anhaa recited at the loss of her husband thinking that no-one would ever be able to replace him. And in the end, she ended up marrying our nabi sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam himself” the friendly guy advised.

“What is the short dua? I’m only aware of the method of performing istikharah salah with the long dua and I haven’t memorised it.” Abdullah answered.

“Its Allaahuma’ jurni fi museebati wakhlufli khairam minha. It means, “Oh Allah! Reward me in my difficulty and compensate for me better than it.” The brother repeated the dua a second time for abdullah.

Abdullah pat him on his shoulder. “Jazakallah my brother. May Allah always accept you for his deen. If you don’t mind me asking.. Have you become an aalim?”

The brother shook his head with a slight chuckle..”Unfortunately not. I just have so much of hope in this dua. You see I was married and because of some unforeseen circumstances, ended up getting divorced and a friend of mine and his wife advised me to recite this dua. I read it religiously and alhamdulllah, Allah is so great. He granted me with a spouse better than the first who is a true gem who has alhamdulillah brought me 2 beautiful children. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better than salma.”

Abdullah hugged the brother… “You have given me hope and insight too aqeel bhai.. Jazakallahu khairan. Drop by sometime inshallah. Bring the little ones home. My kids love other children.”

They parted ways and abdullah continued reciting the dua.

By the time he got back home, he called his mother to tell her that he was thinking about her suggestion.
“Ummi jaan, you can convey the message to naeema bhen and she can take her time to think about it inshallah. Askher to make istikharah and take it from there. But ofcourse, no hard feelings between the 2 families if she refuses. We totally understand.”

His mother smiled and kissed her son on the forehead.
“Allah make it easy for you my son and inshallah Allah will always look after you.”

His father chipped in with his wise words.. “Allah will never take away something in your life and leave you stranded. The Allah we know is so mercy beta. He will always give you something back after a loss. And sometimes something may seem bad for you, but Allah in His infinite wisdom knows that it is infact good for you.”

“Ummi jaan… Abba jaan, don’t you think its fair to discuss this with hanzalah and habeeba first though before we even consider telling naeema?” Abdullah asked concerned.

“Teekh… Alright. It makes sense. we’ll give you time to talk to the children before we pass the message on.” Abdullahs father encouraged.

Abdullah was worried about his childrens reactions. But this would affect their lives just as much as it would affect his. So it would only be fair to them.

Abdullah braced himself for the worst before calling the kids…
“Bachyo…how about going out for some ice-cream after the esha salaah? Just you 2 and myself?”

Both their faces brightened up. Ever since naseema had passed away, they hardly spent any time with their father.

If only they knew the reason to their fathers treating them to ice-cream, they wouldn’t be all bright faced and excited.

Posted by silent living…

part 72: (hanzalah)

**”Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-**

Abdullah drove around and around a few times before he parked the car off in the parking area.

He sat in the car for a while before finally opening the door and stepping off.

He pressed the alarm of his car and began taking a slow walk with his hands in his pocket.

He looked either down at the ground so too avoid looking at any strange or half dressed women or he looked up at the sky, its beauty as the sun began to set.

The orange and red and yellow mixture of colours that spread across the sky was magnificent.

Whoever claimed that there is no God, just needs to admire the beautiful colours in the sky to understand that such a thing had to be created by someone. Someone perfect and with great power and strength.

Abdullah neared a cement bench near the water and sat down to think and assess his situation.

He understood that his mother meant well, but he had only ever loved naseema. He knew no other love besides her.

She was his one and only and he felt like it would be unfair to her.

But then again. How can it be unfair to her? She’s gone to a better place. She’s manoeuvring her way through the gardens of paradise right now. His subconscious mind began to scold him.

Didn’t nabi sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam also remarry after the demise of his one and only true love khadija radiallaahu anhaa?

Its so amazing how every solution can be found either in the quraan or in the perfect life of our beloved nabi.

But abdullah felt like it would be unfair to naeema. She was young and never been married before. She could get someone around her age and start a life together. Wouldn’t it be robbing her of a fair chance?

Now she would have to live upto the expectations of her deceased sister who would also be the deceased wife of her new husband. It sounds so complicated.

And she would also have to start from day 1 to be a mother to 2 children who are also suffering the loss of their mother.

But its not for you to decide.. Its her decision. His subconscious mind scolded.

He was still grieving but a muslim should not grieve the loss of anyone for more than 3 days, besides a wife when her husband passes away.

It was time he appreciated what he did have rather than mourn over what was gone.

His children needed him. They were still alive. He was unintentionally neglecting them and everything else in the process.

Its time this stopped. He doesn’t have to stop loving naseema. He doesn’t have to stop praying for her but as hard as it is, he needs to just pull himself back up and do what’s right before he loses everything.

Its not what naseema would have wanted anyway. She was always such a positive light of energy that made everyone around her positive and nothing ever really brought her down for this long.

No amount of mourning, grieving, depression or sadness was ever going to bring her back. She was gone forever, until ofcourse they would reunite in jannah oneday.

Abdullah didn’t even realise that his face was dripping with tears, until a beggar stood before him.
“Uncle? You’re okay? Everything okay?”

Abdullah looked up amazed.

A man who’s clothes hardly cover his body because of its being so old and tattered. And who probably can’t remember what food he ate last. And who probably doesn’t know where he’ll spend the night tonight is asking whether he, a rich man infront of this beggar, is alright?

Abdullah smiled, pulled out his wallet from his left pocket and handed him a hundred rand note.
“I’m well… I’m very well..”

Abdullah pat him on the shoulder and silently made an intention that the money he had given was for continuous reward for his wife.

He jumped back into his car and headed straight to the masjid for maghrib salaah with a much clearer mind.

Posted by silent living…